Humor for the day

Just for a few laughs, I’m posting 2 of the jokes i posted on my blogger site. Oh and by the way, these are from www.amusingfacts.com. Nice site, i tell you.

You Know It’s Time To Diet When….

1. You dance and it makes the band skip.

2. You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

3. You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

4. You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

5. Your driver’s license says, “Picture continued on other side.”

6. You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.

7. You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

8. You could sell shade.

9. Your blood type is Ragu.

10. You need an appointment to attend an ‘open house’.

########################################

Mysterious Phrases Explained

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”…
I didn’t look up the original reference.

“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT”…
These data are practically meaningless.

“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”…
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”…
The other results didn’t make any sense.

“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”…
This is the prettiest graph.

“THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT”…
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

“IN MY EXPERIENCE”…
Once.

“IN CASE AFTER CASE”…
Twice.

“IN A SERIES OF CASES”…
Thrice.

“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”…
I think.

“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”…
A couple of others think so, too.

“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE” …
Wrong.

“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”…
Rumour has it.

“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS”…
A wild guess.

“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”…
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.

“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”…
I don’t understand it.

“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”…
They don’t understand it either.

“THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS”…
Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”…
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”…
I quit.